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Top photo by Chris Guy, via. He's talking to Val, who's in her sixties. She's wearing a pair of bunny ears and is naked beneath her towel. Val's mate Pam — also in her sixties and dressed in a negligee with a severe Harriet Harman bowl haircut — watches the onscreen Swinger en Essex with interest as three enthusiastic young women take it in turns Swunger fellate a man with a limp dick and the lifeless eyes of someone who really shouldn't have taken a bunch of coke before turning up to a porn shoot.

Trying to get my bearings I wander out Swinger en Essex the bar fully dressed.

George looks me up and down and shakes his head. A quick change later, and Big George shows me round.

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Swinger en Essex is a sauna, steam room and two jacuzzis, along with a number of themed "couples rooms" — private spaces sn red female silhouettes painted on the doors, containing double beds with thin plastic mattresses. The place is filling up now, the crowd predominantly composed of middle-aged geezers and their wives, with a few younger swingers in their twenties rounding everything out.

One guy, a cabbie Swinger en Essex Romford with a Comic Book Guy ponytail, marshals his wife, a harried, emaciated-looking woman in black lingerie beneath a long shocking-pink string vest, towards one of the bedrooms. He shrugs. You've just got to talk to them a bit.

Get 'em frisky, like. Big George continues the tour, leading me through the bar, where colourful vodka jellies are lined up, to a tiny dance floor.

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Here, two large girls in bunny ears Swinger en Essex see-through Ann Summers nighties spin round stripper poles. Pitbull bellows through Kesha's "Timber", played off a laptop by the DJ, a guy in his sixties who looks Swinger en Essex though he'd be more comfortable spinning Val Doonican at the local dominoes club.

With glittery tassels hanging Swinger en Essex the walls, fake plastic flowers, fairy lights and complimentary peanuts, crisps and Flumps on offer at Swingger bar — plus the sense that many of the people Swinger en Essex are regulars — the atmosphere is more akin to an Essex knees-up than an orgy.

This impression is reinforced when the DJ drops Chas Amatuer Providence nude Dave's "Rabbit" to the obvious delight of everyone there. My tour complete, Big George shakes my hand and wishes me luck.

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I head to the sauna, where I find Val and Pam. It's me escape. It's only five minutes from me 'ouse in the car. She's got a list going behind the bar. Through the glass, we are treated to the view Swinger en Essex a bald man Swinger en Essex a blowjob from a blonde companion in the jacuzzi, his head thrown back in exaggerated, Brazzers-style ecstasy.

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There are cheers from the second pool. A few minutes later Georgia and Tom walk into the sauna and everyone has to Swinger en Essex up. Val accidentally brushes against my leg. My daughter and son-in-law told me about it. I didn't know what a blowjob was before, what ne orgasm was Still living in the same house, though. Housing association gaff.

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He won't divorce me. Can't accept Essx over. Swinger en Essex was a drinker. My granddaughter hates him. I come 'ere most nights to get away. It's a poignant moment, and the sauna is silent.

Georgia strokes Tom's engorged dick meditatively as she listens. Just then, Dave, a plasterer from Basildon in Esxex twenties, comes in with Jane, his girlfriend of nine years, and their Swinger en Essex Alice. Alice is topless, attractive and the focus of much male attention. Dave and Jane come to swingers' venues like Paradise regularly.

They met Alice on their travels. Swinger en Essex had boyfriends, but also likes to play with other girls. Here, eight Domino's boxes are laid out on a buffet table, containing a selection of deep-base treats, from Hawaiian to Meat Feast.

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The swingers tuck in hungrily. Lionel Ritchie's "Hello" plays in the background. At the bar I get chatting to Charlie.

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Swinger en Essex In his twenties, he's just back from travelling around Colombia and has a passion for having sex with girls he meets while couch surfing. It's his first time at Paradise. He outlines his strategy for the evening. Paradise doesn't sell alcohol, but bringing it along is fine.

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There's a lot of fatties in here, but the drunker I get, the better they look. You just keep seeing nipples and thinking, 'God, they're good!

I wish him luck. Back in the TV room the porn is still playing, and Sue, in her fifties, is masturbating to climax while being cheered on by Val, Pam and an assorted crowd of other Swinger en Essex. For many, Easter is a time for sitting in front of the TV, gorging on chocolate Are you a petite woman alcohol.

But for Essex's fans of pizza and public wanking, the Paradise Spa offers a fine alternative. Sign up for the best of VICE, Swinger en Essex to your inbox daily. Ever walked past Dagenham's Paradise Spa and wondered what's going on inside?

From my experience, mostly people getting blowjobs in jacuzzis. Top photo by Chris Guy, via "You'll get icicles on your pussy," says the tattooed guy in flip-flops.

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